The Bottomless Voicemail - Quite a few accounts direct to a buyer's name like Melissa Kelly. I leave a VM in her "suppossed" box. I suspect however, that its really a dummy box, specifically set up to dump vendors that, sight unseen, they have no interest in. I have left multiple messages, some serious, some funny. No response. My question is, if I have been screened, was it the sound of my voice? What made them hit the dump button? I may never know.
The New Jersey Sneer: I have cold called accounts all over the country. I can tell you without fail there is a huge difference between accounts located in the South and Midwest and accounts located in the Northeast. You call someone in Georgia, and they'll listen to you, and polutely tell you why they are not interested. I can handle that.
However, I called an account in NJ today :
Buyer: We really don't do alot of business in cards.
Me: We handle smaller orders, how much is not too much.
Buyer: Where are you guys from?
Me: Cincinnati
Buyer: We're not interested...sir. ( The sir slid from his lips, dripping with disdain and impatience)
Phone goes dead...
What the fuck?! What kind of qualifying question is that?! Should I have said France? That assbag never even saw the line - he doesn't even know what he isn't interested in!
Webular Dismissal A buyer's job is essentially to say no. A salesperson's job is to go out everyday, and do battle with the word "No!" In this never ending battle, there is a new weapon buyers are employing against sales people everywhere and that weapon is the World Wide Web. Invented by one younger, less corpulent Al Gore.
Me: Hi my name is Chris, can I speak to the Greeting Card Buyer?
Buyer: You got him, how can I help?
Me: Well, I'd like to come up and talk to you about how we can help you with your Greeting Card sales for Christmas 2008.
Buyer: Are you a ....new vendor? (He askes with hope in his voice, waiting to spring the trap.)
Me: Yes, new to you at any rate.
Buyer: Oh, I see. (Excellent!) You'll need to go through our new vendor selection process. Its very convenient, and all web based. Here's the URL.
Ah, the web forms. Page after shimmering page of inane questions which take hours to fill out. Much like the Bottomless VM, there is no escaping the Webular Dismissal.
The Treadmill: I suspect that those who employ this method are actually nice people who are trying to let me down easy. I have a great initial call, where they appear genuinely interested and ask for samples and information. You race to get them everything they need, and then you spend the next 7 weeks chasing them trying to follow up to determine their interest, or obvious lack thereof. See also the Run Around.
The Wicked Stepmother: "Yes, Cinderella, you can go the ball, if you do this, and that, and that and that...ad infintum." Some accounts, lead you to believe they are very interested, if only you can meet these conditions. The list is so long and so ridiculous in many cases you are bound to fail. You reach and grasp and think, if only I can do these 50 things, I too can get the opportunity sell a crappy midsize chain that probable won't buy dick! Trust me, they won't buy. If by some magic of fate you manage to answer their demands and climb over the Great Barrier Wall, on the the other side are Punji sticks, Lions and all manner of obstacles to deny you entry. You'll be trapped.....forever. If they ask for more than 3 things, or their demands are so ridiculous and so obviously bullshit you almost laugh when they tell you....turn around and spend your time elsewhere.
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