I just finished assembling a high chair that looks like something from a Star Trek set. It's ridiculously huge. Fully assembled it takes up the same square footage a Barkalounger would. Before you ask, the answer is yes, the high chair actually does recline. Why I am not sure....but it does. It has a meal tray, which looks like it could hold an entire Thanksgiving Dinner Buffet on it as well as smaller "snack" tray which fits beneath it. I mean, Jesus Christ, no wonder our kids are fat!!
On top of that, the stupid thing has toys attached.
"Don't play with your food dear...play with this fun plastic fishy thing!"
Great...now not only am I going to have a fat kid but an overstimulated one as well. Does this monstrosity come with a Ritalin trial pack?
I am looking for a place to put the Enterprise. Where ever it goes, it must be the focal point of the room - it's just to big to ignore. Should I put it in the bay window, maybe by the fireplace. While trying different options, I trip over scads of other seats. Let's ennumerate them just for fun.
The Seat for Bouncing- Complete with vibrating action and light flashing, narcolepsy-inducing, sing-songing, Rattle Rack. For when you kid needs just a little more going on.
The Seat for the Car - aka the Pumpkin Seat. This one I admit is essential.
The Swing Seat - again much like the Enterprise, an insane usage time to square footage consumed ratio. This one swings at 6 different speeds and has a electronic song and "naturescapes" sound system built in. I don't even have a fucking MP3 player, and she's got Naturescapes!!!
The Jumper Seat - This one's pretty cool . So cool in fact, I am suprised it's still legal. Essentially a plastic seat, a nylon cord, with a big spring and a c-clamp that attaches to a door jam. Its half parachute training, half bungee jumping. I want one my size I could suspend from our roof over the pool.
My Son's Booster Seat- His Booster Seat?! Why the hell's that in here???
That's 5 seats, for one butt! That one butt spends more time strapped to my chest than in any of the "must have" seats combined! Lets not forget the moving voilation in OH and soon to be KY for failing to use a booster seat on my older child.
Where's the My Kid's Being a Shit, My Back Hurts from this Damn Carrier, and All I Really Want is this Kid to Stop Crying so I Can Drink a Beer in Peace Seat. That's the bastard we're missing.
If you find one, I'll trade for it.
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