"Well, everything looks great, based on the measurements I'm seeing we're going to set your due date at October 25."
"Are you sure? Because I am pretty sure its the 18th? I mean I actually felt the egg implanting on my uterine wall.""Well let me double check....no, it should be the 25th"
" I don't think so, I've felt pregnant since day one. Its the 18th. I cannot go backwards, I feel like I am at week X and I cannot handle being at week X-1"
"OK. (chuckles and shakes his head) How about this, I'll write down the 18th as your due date, but we'll take no action until the 25th if you haven't gone by then."
But after all that, last week at her regular exam, the Doc tells her she could go any day. That was almost 5 days ago. We were elated and excited frantically started preparing...now we're just waiting. My wife isn't sleeping well, she's pretty uncomfortable. She has had just enough contractions to be irritating and to get her hopes up. When they seem consistent, she gets hopeful and starts to time them and they will suddenly disappear. People call her constantly looking for baby updates which serves to intensify her frustration that nothing is happening. We've been trying everything to make this baby go.
Here's a few with comments:
Spicy Food: In addition to Skyline and Popeye's Fried Chicken with Hot Sauce, Jill's so desperate she agreed to go to an Indian restaurant. I love Indian food, I love "Make You Sweat" hot Indian Food, but Indian Food does horrible things to me. Our whole house smelled like Spicy, Curried Ass last night. She sat across the room from me, with her blanket over her nose waiting for contractions that never came...
Raspberry Leaf Tea: This Elixir is supposed to help kick start contractions. For the past 4 days, if I see my wife, she has a coffee cup in her hand. There are used up teabags all over the house. I loaded the dishwasher yesterday and there was like 15 mugs in the top rack when I was done. If the tea is working...its a slow brewing process.
Nesting: Obviously the baby is holding off because we don't have the car seat installed, the swing built, the bottles sterilized or its first car yet. Well we have done almost all of that. Our house is Baby Central. It looks like we just had sept-uplets. We don't have any at the moment.
Sex: That's right, its in all the books and I'm not afraid to talk about it. Talking is easy...doing it has become much much more complicated. I mean first you have to get Kid One in bed and asleep. Then you have to eat 15 Tums and a bottle of Mylanta to fight off the extreme heartburn from all the hot sauce we've been eating. Then you have to get your wife out of the bathroom, because she's drank 8 gallons of tea with a 7.5 pound bowling ball inside her belly sitting on her bladder. She's a little tentative because she's not sure all the Indian has been cooked off and is out of my system...and I don't blame her for being cautious. You get through all of that, and stay awake...its so shocking you're not sure what to do. Then you find out that nothing works like its supposed to...the angles are all wrong, the old methods don't work. We fumbled and struggled so hard to get to third base last night we passed out rounding third and heading to home! Maybe tonight....
Jumping: I saw my wife jumping up and down yesterday commanding the baby to hurry up. I always being one to lend a hand, led the family in some group jumping jacks. You haven't lived until you've seen a 9 Month pregnant lady, a 4 year old and a bald guy hopping around in a kitchen. Results: Nothing.
Walking: Physical activity is supposed to help. Every night Jill hops on the treadmill, hoping each step takes her closer to delivery. We walk up and down the sidewalk of our street. We walked across the river to the Bengals game. We'll probably try to walk the 20 miles to freaking work tomorrow. Net results so far...Nothing!
I'm out of ideas. If you have any, please comment and wish us luck.
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