Is There a Linebacker in the House???

The ominous silence in the room is broken up by the dutiful whirr of the respirator. It’s rhythmic pumping punctuated only by the beeping of the heart monitor.

The Doctor increasingly frustrated with his patient’s condition, slams the chart down.

“Damn it! What this patient needs is a win. I’m a Doctor…not a linebacker!”

The 2007 Bengals lay on life support, a strong second half effort against the not so strong Jets kept the respirator running for another week. But the Doctor isn’t worried about Gang Green setting in anymore….now he has turned his attention to an even more deadly pestilence…Yellow Fever.

The Pittsburg Steelers bring their daunting defense, that grinning bastard Hines Ward and Fast Willie Parker to PBS on Sunday, along with someone who knows a thing or two about the ICU – Ben “Unbreakable” Roethlisberger. In years past during Steeler week, the stadium has looked like Heinz Field West, an outbreak twirling yellowness of that size could spell defeat for Cincinnati and a virtual end to any playoff hopes. The Jungle turned in a key play last week on a fumbled snap by Chad Pennington and a recovery by Domata Peko. The bad snap was the direct result of a boisterous crowd.

Our defense has been in a coma since week 1, we need them this Sunday , only one thing can save them, and that one thing is you. Do you want the Bengals to pull though? Do you want them to live in hopes of the playoffs for another week? Will you take action, or will you just stand there and heartlessly watch them die on the bed? There’s only one thing you can do. There’s only one thing you must do. They say that speaking to coma patients can help them recover. If talking can heal, screaming must be better. Sunday when the Steelers have the ball, clap your hands, and yell at the top of your lungs. Slam your hands on the backs of the seats in front of you and scream like William Wallace attacking the King’s Men. I don’t care if you sitting on the 50 yard line or on your fake leather couch….yell until your larynx shatters and spittle flies from your chapped bruised lips.

Kick off is at 1:00pm, I hope to hear you there.