This Sunday Morning, the Bengals Team bus will slowly roll into Arrowhead Stadium, following closely behind will be a caravan of orange and black ambulances transporting our battered defense. And while our linebackers may be in bad shape, it’s the entire season that is on life support.
Can there be a miracle recovery? Here’s my prescription for a win on Sunday.
1 Dose of “Stop crying Chad and catch the balls when they are thrown to you.”
1 liquid ounce of “TJ, you can be a coach when you’re playing career is over. Run the route you’re assigned.”
One heaping cup full Kenny Watson breaking off some big runs.
Suspend all above in a solution of taking down Chief’s QB Huard. Repeat 3 times and shake him hard.
One Bushel of “Stop being stupid.” Distribute to entire team as they exit the locker room.
Back Braces and Heart Medicine for the entire O-Line. They need to stiffen up and present an enlarged cardial vessel in order to open up lanes for one Kenny Watson and give Carson the time he needs to go down field. Also order bigger shoes for Stacy Andrews who has to try and fill Willies this week.
Turnovers, Turnovers, Turnovers. We need ‘em like Angelina Jolie needs a dozen donuts…seriously how much weight has she lost?
One Special Teams….Be Special. We have to win the field position battle. Our paraplegic defense will need the whole field to chase down Larry Johnson. You need a lot of room to hit the right angles when your linebackers are all on Stephen Hawking mobiles.
Marvin Lewis, please remove your stethoscope, move the therapist’s couch out of your office, stop coddling these grown men and put your headset on. Get out your special Coaching Matches and light a fire under this team’s collective butt. I want to be able to smell the burnt butt hair all they way back here in Cincinnati. I want people flying around the field, putting on big hits and making plays like they did in week 1.
We do all this…and we will win. Oh yes…we will win.
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