What is up with this Cat?

Over time, since I welcomed yet another animal into the house, I have been hit with the realization that I am stuck with a cat of decidedly low moral character. She's a complete and total whore, a slut of Zeus-ian proportions, a big fat, gray and white Jezebel. It's has really gotten a bit out of hand!

Its not just that she always in my face, that's almost all cats. Its not that she's always rubbing herself against me, the furniture or sleeping dogs. (Although I do feel bad for the dogs, they aren't even aware of the violation....) What gets me is the heavy eye contact, the twitching, the beckoning mews and the suggestive poses she strikes. I am convinced there is intent behind her actions. What's more disturbing is she appears to have set her sights on me! I'll be watching TV and a look over and on the arm rest there's a cat's ass in my face, all twitching and convulsive. She's looking over her shoulder at me with these smoldering eyes purring softly, "Come and Get Me...Daddy."

Ick.

It's disgusting. I mean for Chrissakes my kids are in the room! My wife is right next to me! We could have company over...it doesn't matter. She has no pride, no sense of decorum! No sense of morality or even the barest fiber of decency!

I've tried sitting closer to my wife, trying to send that unmistakable signal that I am taken, but she doesn't seem to care. In fact when she gets the opportunity, she'll try and sit right between us. Worse than her low and filthy ways is her persistence. The little hussy simply won't be denied. I shove her away, she comes right back! I push her away again, and she just takes it out on the nearest animate or inanimate object.

I've never seen anything like it and I find it all rather disturbing. I've cut her off from casual contact, she can't handle it. Until she accepts the fact that I'm not interested, I think its for the best. Maybe after time, we can be friends...but not right now. For now, I think she needs the time and distance to learn how to love herself.