Chris Tries...Saving the Planet

O.K. I know its been a while since my last posting, but I've been busy. For the four of you that read this, you may recall the last "quirky" thing I tried (straight razor shaving) in an attempt to save money. Needless to say, it was disastrous. This time, I am trying to save the planet by using reusable bags.

Its seems like a very simple thing. Use these canvas bags, so you eliminate the need for environmentally harmful plastic bags. Theory and practice, though are always two different things.

Attempt 1: On the way the store. Arrive and get a great spot near the door. Not the far door, but the one closest to the liquor store. Proximity to the liquor store is key. I get out, get a cart and realize I forgot the bags. I turn around, go back to the car and decide to save the planet next week. This spot is too damn good.

Attempt 2: I actually make it the store with the bags. A crappy spot, but I have the bags. I do my usual shopping. The first problem I encounter is where to keep the stupid things. I have my daughter in the kid area and food in the cart. I settle for the bottom, but they keep falling off. Then I get to the checkout lane...

I actually thought this part out. I've seen how these motley collection disinterested teens, retirees and Jerry's Kids bag normally and I knew they would need all the help the could get. I actually offloaded my cart in the following order: Plastic bottles, jugs and cans, followed by all boxed, non squash able goods, meat, produce, bread and chips. I passed my 5 sacks down to the baggers, who looked at them like they were recently pulled from a men's urinal.

I encouraged them, " Hey, I'm trying to save the planet. The bags will carry a lot of weight though so load them up....by the way I also sorted the groceries for you so it will be easier to bag..."

No response.

What ensued was what always happens, they put 2-4 items in each bag, regardless of smashability, packability or my well though out system. They then used 14 more plastic bags to handle the rest. My personal favorite was when they sarcastically double bagged a roll of paper towels and a lime. It was their little way of saying, "Fuck you....and Fuck the Planet, I get paid $5.00 an hour, which simply isn't enough to motivate me to help you with your meaningless attempt at Being Green..."

Attempt Three: Not one to be fooled twice, I tell the waiting baggers "OK why don't you guys take a smoke break and I will bag these on my own." The cashier smiles and begins ringing groceries at an inhuman pace. My neatly organized supplies are smashed in an in comprehensive heap as I scramble to keep up. I see the scowls from the people in line behind me. By the end I am frantically stuffing whatever I can grab into the nearest canvas bag. Can bread ride with canned good....sure. Fruit with fresh chicken....why not?!! Nobody said saving the Planet would be easy, and if it takes a raging case of salmonella to do it, at least I can say I did my part.

I am still using the bags, I do save a nickel for each bag. I wonder what they'd do if I brought in like 20 bags, and then bagged them like they typically bag. 2-4 items per bag. I would save $10.00 every week....hmmmm.