I realized last night as I was trying to get my daughter to sleep, that if I ever heard the phrases I was using, coming from the mouth of a boyfriend.....I might have to kill him.
I was trying to convince her to take the pacifier. The struggled sounded like this:
"You know you want it"
"You'll like it...it'll help you fall asleep."
"Put it in your mouth and suck on it!"
"Come on Sugar, Just Trrryyyy it!!"
"You'll make Daddy really happy if keep it in your mouth."
"Come on...Take IT!!"
"Don't spit it out."
"Ohhhh....you were so close, why'd you do that?!"
This is about the point in the struggle when my Filth-O-Meter went off in my head. I suddenly felt very, very dirty and as I looked down at my now quiet baby girl I was filled with dread over her coming of age and the certain knowledge that filthy little boys like me would be trying to get in her pants. I know she's only 5 weeks old, but I don't think its too early to buy a shotgun and start building my reputation around town. If word gets out that just like any other Dad I'm protective of my daughter, but overtime they all realize I'm also crazy and heavily armed - it might dissaude those hormone charged rascals of more sinister intent. Then I can deal with the brave and foolish ones who come to my doorstep one at a time....
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2 comments:
Chris it's your bro', Scott, While I sat and drank my coffee, I read this post and immedietly spit my pumpkin spice necar out onto the ground and laughed. You sick, sad, little man... Here, download this song and you'll know what to say. It's country but you'll like it. "Cleaning This Gun" Rodney Adkins.
Thank you. I have posted more and will continue to post. Take Care.
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