I think I need a new jersey for the 2008 season and have been working a NCAA tourney style bracket to decide my purchase.
The Final Four:
Geathers vs Jobu 12: I suppose the key question here is could Geather's be a God of Defense? Because and I quote Ghostbusters, " Are you a God?" Ray of course answers, "No." Gozar replies, " Then DIE!!!!!!!" The divine typically punish those who aspire to higher heights than allowed. See the Tower of Babel or Icarus. Geather's is coming back to his natural position. We have a new D Coordinator - which could be good or bad. Could Geather's dominate off the line? I think he could but there are so few that are game changers, The Freak in the day, Strahan certainly comes to mind. Its a pretty tall order. But in the end, It was Cerano who hit the curve ball, not Jobu. I shall put my faith in mankind and Geathers will advance to the Championship match.
Willie vs Old Faithful a.k.a. Justin Smith: I like my battle worn #90. But this isn't even close. Its Willie beating Justin the way Kansas beat UNC or Memphis torched UCLA.
Championship Game: Willie vs Geathers...Who Ya Got?
Monday, April 7, 2008
Friday, April 4, 2008
Suggestions for the Workplace...
Most of us go to work everyday, and spend at least some time on the internet, so I think this topic is relevant to the internet community at large. I was recently forwarded an email by a friend who works for a large company in the area. The email basically asked their employees how long it had been since they had a sober weekend, and then challenged them to try it. It also directed them to an internal hotline for counseling if the failed the "challenge." Now, 1st of all...I am of the firm opinion that seeing Saturday Night Live with double vision is not only an unalienable right, but it also makes SNL better. In fact, drinking makes many things better. Now that idea really got me thinking.
Perhaps this major company has it all backwards. In stead of going all Henry Ford on their employees and trying to regulate their personal life, how about embracing the consumption of alchohol at home and in the workplace! People, I am talking about real change here! I submit to you, dear reader, that perhaps if the practice of the baccanal arts were permitted in the work place, it would be more productive, and most certainly a happier environment.
I give you the British Navy as my example. In the 18th and 19th centuries, they owned the high seas. Aside from the occasional buggery below decks, the ships ran on booze. Since water was unreliable, they drank beer...lots of it. And once a day, all hands received a grog ration consisting of a pint or more of rum. Yet, British warships were the model of efficiency and productivity as demostrated by their nearly 200 years of dominance on the waves.
Think my friends, of what we could do, if only we traded our coffee cups for beer mugs and our water bottles for flasks.
Perhaps this major company has it all backwards. In stead of going all Henry Ford on their employees and trying to regulate their personal life, how about embracing the consumption of alchohol at home and in the workplace! People, I am talking about real change here! I submit to you, dear reader, that perhaps if the practice of the baccanal arts were permitted in the work place, it would be more productive, and most certainly a happier environment.
I give you the British Navy as my example. In the 18th and 19th centuries, they owned the high seas. Aside from the occasional buggery below decks, the ships ran on booze. Since water was unreliable, they drank beer...lots of it. And once a day, all hands received a grog ration consisting of a pint or more of rum. Yet, British warships were the model of efficiency and productivity as demostrated by their nearly 200 years of dominance on the waves.
Think my friends, of what we could do, if only we traded our coffee cups for beer mugs and our water bottles for flasks.
Thursday, April 3, 2008
Jersey Tourney: The Elite 8
And Now you know why Chris Henry was never selected to the field.
Ahmad Brooks vs Geathers: Tough call. Brooks has all the physical talent in the world and maybe now with a headset on defense he can get in the right position and be where he is supposed to be. For now though he hasn't established himself yet and I am not sure of his long term future with the team. I love how selfless Geathers was in moving to linebacker last year. I also love it when Dave Lapham calls Geathers "Jumpy Junior." Plus he was plenty of time left on his new contract, Ahmad, I am sorry but you're out. Jumpy is going to the final 4.
Shane Graham vs Jobu (jersey #12): With Chad playing his games, (what was the ESPN phone interview all about anyway?), Chris Henry gone, Perry and Irons still on the shelf and a defense that at a minimum is questionable, it may take divine intervention to craft a winning season. Jobu, of Major League fame, could give this team the spark they need. If its one place where a Vodoo God would fit in...its in the jungle. Shane is money in the bank, provided the snap and hold are good, but even as much as I value Special Teams( Come on Special Teams....Be Special!!!!) , I just cannot bring myself to wear a kicker's jersey. Jobu...Welcome to the Jungle.
Palmer vs Justin Smith: I cannot bring myself to buy a Palmer jersey. I had a heated conversation with my friends on this topic. My opinion is, if they make a pink girls jersey and sell it at Dick's, I cannot follow the herd and wear it. Nothing against Palmer, I think he's awesome. But I gotta be me, and if its between buying nothing and keeping old tattered #90 and putting on the number 9 with everybody else. I'll stick with 90.
Willie vs TJ: Geez. I really like both of these guys. Its like #1 seeds facing off. I think they make pink 84 jerseys, that's a strike against TJ. Willie cannot be around much longer, do I want to invest in a player who won't be on the field in 2009? Willie has seen it all, done it all lived through the bad, the not so bad and the terrible. In stark contrast to some of his teammates, he has always done it with quiet, workman like class. Willie Anderson's 71 will stand for something long after he's left the field. Welcome to the Final Four, Big Man.
Ahmad Brooks vs Geathers: Tough call. Brooks has all the physical talent in the world and maybe now with a headset on defense he can get in the right position and be where he is supposed to be. For now though he hasn't established himself yet and I am not sure of his long term future with the team. I love how selfless Geathers was in moving to linebacker last year. I also love it when Dave Lapham calls Geathers "Jumpy Junior." Plus he was plenty of time left on his new contract, Ahmad, I am sorry but you're out. Jumpy is going to the final 4.
Shane Graham vs Jobu (jersey #12): With Chad playing his games, (what was the ESPN phone interview all about anyway?), Chris Henry gone, Perry and Irons still on the shelf and a defense that at a minimum is questionable, it may take divine intervention to craft a winning season. Jobu, of Major League fame, could give this team the spark they need. If its one place where a Vodoo God would fit in...its in the jungle. Shane is money in the bank, provided the snap and hold are good, but even as much as I value Special Teams( Come on Special Teams....Be Special!!!!) , I just cannot bring myself to wear a kicker's jersey. Jobu...Welcome to the Jungle.
Palmer vs Justin Smith: I cannot bring myself to buy a Palmer jersey. I had a heated conversation with my friends on this topic. My opinion is, if they make a pink girls jersey and sell it at Dick's, I cannot follow the herd and wear it. Nothing against Palmer, I think he's awesome. But I gotta be me, and if its between buying nothing and keeping old tattered #90 and putting on the number 9 with everybody else. I'll stick with 90.
Willie vs TJ: Geez. I really like both of these guys. Its like #1 seeds facing off. I think they make pink 84 jerseys, that's a strike against TJ. Willie cannot be around much longer, do I want to invest in a player who won't be on the field in 2009? Willie has seen it all, done it all lived through the bad, the not so bad and the terrible. In stark contrast to some of his teammates, he has always done it with quiet, workman like class. Willie Anderson's 71 will stand for something long after he's left the field. Welcome to the Final Four, Big Man.
Hung Over with Kids: Part II
There are three things that I want to do when I am hung over. They are as follows: 1) Lay on the couch all day, until guilt or necessity propels me forward. 2) Eat McDonalds French Fries and wash them down with the largest Coke they sell. 3) Have delightfully lazy sex. There was a time in my life when all of my wildest Hang Over Dreams could come true. That time was before children. On the bright side, I was reasonably sure that I could get my son on board with the McDonalds part of the plan.
Sex is completely off the table. For some reason, my wife has difficulty getting in the mood while holding a 5 month old in her arms. For me it was our son careening through the house with not one but two light sabers engaged a vicious and loud duel with the cunning (and invisible) Darth Vader. Assuming we surmount those obstacles there is also the issue of privacy as it's hard to use the bathroom without our son barging in to ask questions like " Ummm....Have you seen my Spiderman Mask? Dad....It really stinks in here."
I can only imagine the interruptions if by some miracle, my wife and I were to go upstairs. We would soon hear his steps on the stairs and then hear him grabbing at the door knob.
"What are you guys doing?"
"Can I help?"
He starts knocking on the door and jiggling the cheap brass door knob.
"Ummm...my power ranger, the red one....he's fighting my alligator."
He then realizes he's locked out.
"Mom.....you shouldn't lock the door."
"Mom...are you OK?"
"Dad...(he's thinking of something else to say)...Ummm Dad...I love you."
If all that wouldn't kill your Mojo, then you are more motivated or desperate than I. Having seen all this in my mind's eye, I knew there was no way in hell there would be Hangover Booty.
Well, at least there's the couch and glorious HDTV. Only the couch didn't really work out either. I abandoned that after Jonathan vaulted over it in an attempt to get the upper hand on his nemesis. When he saw me get up, the torrent of talking began.
Daddy....D-A-D-D-Y (he spells it out now too) do you want to play light sabers?
Dad, Dad, DADDY! Look at this Hot Wheel ...isn't it Crazy!
Mom, watch this!
Guys! Look at Me!
Hey, I farted!
Dad....can you fix this?
Can...Ran...THAT RHYMES!!!!
Dad Dad Dad Dad Daddy DADDY, D...A...D...D...Y
Mom.....(a long pause, as again he's run out of things to say)...I love you.
There was only one thing left to do. I grabbed my keys. "Hey Jonathan, do you want to grab some McDonalds?" Of course he did, and so we went. Half an hour later, with my greasy fingers clutching the 48oz tub they served my drink in, I slupped the last drops of ice cold sugary goodness. I was feeling better.
Jonathan stared at me from across the table. "Hey Daddy....now can we play light sabers?"
Sex is completely off the table. For some reason, my wife has difficulty getting in the mood while holding a 5 month old in her arms. For me it was our son careening through the house with not one but two light sabers engaged a vicious and loud duel with the cunning (and invisible) Darth Vader. Assuming we surmount those obstacles there is also the issue of privacy as it's hard to use the bathroom without our son barging in to ask questions like " Ummm....Have you seen my Spiderman Mask? Dad....It really stinks in here."
I can only imagine the interruptions if by some miracle, my wife and I were to go upstairs. We would soon hear his steps on the stairs and then hear him grabbing at the door knob.
"What are you guys doing?"
"Can I help?"
He starts knocking on the door and jiggling the cheap brass door knob.
"Ummm...my power ranger, the red one....he's fighting my alligator."
He then realizes he's locked out.
"Mom.....you shouldn't lock the door."
"Mom...are you OK?"
"Dad...(he's thinking of something else to say)...Ummm Dad...I love you."
If all that wouldn't kill your Mojo, then you are more motivated or desperate than I. Having seen all this in my mind's eye, I knew there was no way in hell there would be Hangover Booty.
Well, at least there's the couch and glorious HDTV. Only the couch didn't really work out either. I abandoned that after Jonathan vaulted over it in an attempt to get the upper hand on his nemesis. When he saw me get up, the torrent of talking began.
Daddy....D-A-D-D-Y (he spells it out now too) do you want to play light sabers?
Dad, Dad, DADDY! Look at this Hot Wheel ...isn't it Crazy!
Mom, watch this!
Guys! Look at Me!
Hey, I farted!
Dad....can you fix this?
Can...Ran...THAT RHYMES!!!!
Dad Dad Dad Dad Daddy DADDY, D...A...D...D...Y
Mom.....(a long pause, as again he's run out of things to say)...I love you.
There was only one thing left to do. I grabbed my keys. "Hey Jonathan, do you want to grab some McDonalds?" Of course he did, and so we went. Half an hour later, with my greasy fingers clutching the 48oz tub they served my drink in, I slupped the last drops of ice cold sugary goodness. I was feeling better.
Jonathan stared at me from across the table. "Hey Daddy....now can we play light sabers?"
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
Second Round Match Ups - Jersey Tourney
Boomer vs Palmer: 1988 vs the future. Will Palmer get us to the Super Bowl? I believe he can. For the record, I believe he can do it with out Chad. Palmer advances.
Akili vs Graham: I am not sure which is lamer. Can you wear a kicker's jersey if you are not related to him? I have to go with it though, as he stands to be the most prolific and productive kicker in Bengal History and with our defense in transition and inability to run lately, he's been a key component of our offense. Shane it is...
M. Brown 00 vs Jobu #12: No commentary needed, I am over people blaming Brown and will not participate any more. Jobu #12, bring me a winning season please.
Geathers vs J. Smith (bye candidate): This is tough as I already have the jersey and it has that worn tattered look that says, "I was here before you and will be here after you" credibility you cannot get from buying a Palmer jersey in the Pro Shop before the game. But Geather's could be a stud....Since I need another filler candidate (since I suck at making brackets)....both advance)
Munoz vs Willie: Tough matchup. I have seen Willie play in person and followed his career. I was a pubescent nerd who didn't really get football in when Munoz was at his brightest. I know, I know...my loss. But I have to go with Willie on this one. He was there in 1999 at my first game, and he's still there now, and he is and always will be one of my favorites.
James Brooks vs TJ: Very similar players. Heads down, getting the tough yards. Sometimes over shadowed by peers. How much more does TJ have in the tank??? Lets find out...TJ wins.
A Brooks vs Leon Hall: A pretty boy corner 1st pick vs a supplemental pick that may or may not be. I like defense, and I like linebackers more than corners. Corner's are the Wide Receiver's and thus the Prima Donna's of the Defense. Ahmad Brooks.....don't let me down.
Who Ya Got!
Next round match ups: Ahmad Brooks vs Robert Geathers, Shane Graham vs Jobu 12, Palmer vs Justin Smith, Willie vs TJ.
Akili vs Graham: I am not sure which is lamer. Can you wear a kicker's jersey if you are not related to him? I have to go with it though, as he stands to be the most prolific and productive kicker in Bengal History and with our defense in transition and inability to run lately, he's been a key component of our offense. Shane it is...
M. Brown 00 vs Jobu #12: No commentary needed, I am over people blaming Brown and will not participate any more. Jobu #12, bring me a winning season please.
Geathers vs J. Smith (bye candidate): This is tough as I already have the jersey and it has that worn tattered look that says, "I was here before you and will be here after you" credibility you cannot get from buying a Palmer jersey in the Pro Shop before the game. But Geather's could be a stud....Since I need another filler candidate (since I suck at making brackets)....both advance)
Munoz vs Willie: Tough matchup. I have seen Willie play in person and followed his career. I was a pubescent nerd who didn't really get football in when Munoz was at his brightest. I know, I know...my loss. But I have to go with Willie on this one. He was there in 1999 at my first game, and he's still there now, and he is and always will be one of my favorites.
James Brooks vs TJ: Very similar players. Heads down, getting the tough yards. Sometimes over shadowed by peers. How much more does TJ have in the tank??? Lets find out...TJ wins.
A Brooks vs Leon Hall: A pretty boy corner 1st pick vs a supplemental pick that may or may not be. I like defense, and I like linebackers more than corners. Corner's are the Wide Receiver's and thus the Prima Donna's of the Defense. Ahmad Brooks.....don't let me down.
Who Ya Got!
Next round match ups: Ahmad Brooks vs Robert Geathers, Shane Graham vs Jobu 12, Palmer vs Justin Smith, Willie vs TJ.
Hung Over.....With Kids
I did something Saturday night, that I haven's done in what seems like an eternity. My wife and I went out with friends and bar hopped. We drank....alot. We took shots. I played drunken pool with stangers and smoked at least 12 cigarettes....maybe more. The cab dropped us off at 3:00am.
The next morning, I felt like I had just walked through the Gobi desert, snacking on Cigarette butts from an old ashtray while someone banged cymbals right behind my head. I stumbled to the bathroom, drank about a gallon of water from straight from the faucet and immediately ingested 3 Advil. My first though..."Hmmm....where's my pants?" I squinted at the alarm clock and knew I had a precious 90 minutes before both kids were back. My thoughts immediately turned to food and an overwhelming urge for Grease.
After a delicious breakfast of bacon, fried eggs, gravy...more gravy, biscuits... lots of coffee, I retreated to take a shower. As soon as the water hit me and the steam floated up, I smelled the stale smoke as if I were wearing a cloak of all the disgarded butt-ends consumed by the entire bar. I looked at my feet expecting there to be a small pile of Camel Light filters around my feet. I thought about the previous night. Seriously...did I really speak French to some strange girl and did she really claim to be in the wine industry....in Ohio???? Did I really sing along to Journey and drum on the table to Jame's Laid?...(Great song though!!) Did I really seriously discuss the moral delima of fighting skinheads? Why did I do that 4th jager bomb??
A ringing doorbell interupted my hazy recollections....Crap!!! They were back!
The next morning, I felt like I had just walked through the Gobi desert, snacking on Cigarette butts from an old ashtray while someone banged cymbals right behind my head. I stumbled to the bathroom, drank about a gallon of water from straight from the faucet and immediately ingested 3 Advil. My first though..."Hmmm....where's my pants?" I squinted at the alarm clock and knew I had a precious 90 minutes before both kids were back. My thoughts immediately turned to food and an overwhelming urge for Grease.
After a delicious breakfast of bacon, fried eggs, gravy...more gravy, biscuits... lots of coffee, I retreated to take a shower. As soon as the water hit me and the steam floated up, I smelled the stale smoke as if I were wearing a cloak of all the disgarded butt-ends consumed by the entire bar. I looked at my feet expecting there to be a small pile of Camel Light filters around my feet. I thought about the previous night. Seriously...did I really speak French to some strange girl and did she really claim to be in the wine industry....in Ohio???? Did I really sing along to Journey and drum on the table to Jame's Laid?...(Great song though!!) Did I really seriously discuss the moral delima of fighting skinheads? Why did I do that 4th jager bomb??
A ringing doorbell interupted my hazy recollections....Crap!!! They were back!
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