Changes

I am nearing the point in time when I will begin returning to the office a couple days a week, thus beginning the process that eventually lead to me returning to work full time. I have mixed feelings about this, but mostly find myself wishing I had more time. Staying at home with Emma has been a life changing experience. It is hard for me to describe the connection I feel to her. I also feel that in many ways, the experience has changed me for the better. I am given daily instruction it humility, patience and anger management. I know when she's tired, when she's hungry. I know how to make her laugh and I know when she just needs to be held. But not all the lessons and changes are necessarily good things.

I leave the house regularly and venture into public in spit-up stained shirts. Once you've been barfed on for the 500th time, you just stop noticing. Unfortunately, the people at the bank or the grocery look at you like you're freak. On inspection in the mirror though, a good size glob does look Lewinski-esque.

It is very hard to be taken seriously by anyone when you always wear a pacifier as a pinkie ring. As I walk through the house, if I see a pacifier, I slip it on my pinkie. I do the same thing with rubber bands, if I see one, I put it on my wrist. I don't why, but its apparently a pretty common affliction with office workers. I see plenty of guys and girls with rubber band wrists. I have never seen any other men with pacifier fingers.

I shave maybe every three days, if I had a garment care tag, it would read, "wash when needed." Which is apparently every 2-3 days. I wear pajamas until 10:30 in the morning. I go the grocery store and look at the mom's wheeling their brood through the store, and I think. "Jesus, make an effort. Do something with your self and burn that velour track suit!" Then I see myself in the reflection of the freezer door. Hmmmm perhaps I shouldn't be the first to cast stones....

I stopped to watch a scene from When Harry Met Sally, and then almost cried during it....

I saw a snake in my yard this week and danced around like a girl until it slithered away. It was a foot long for crying out loud!

I had to change the station on a Discovery Channel program, because they were dissecting people. Something that never bothered me, but this time for some reason really affected me.

Now, I am not one to subscribe to gender roles (obviously), but something is going on here. Perhaps going back to the office for a few days a week might be a good thing. Perhaps there needs to be a bit more balance. I got plenty of maternal things in my life. I cook, clean and baby sit. Maybe I need some more masculine things in my life. Go back to work, eat lunch at Hooters, talk sports at the water cooler. One thing is for sure. I need to get out of the house a little before I grow boobs, my dick falls off and I buy a velour track suit in an amazingly unflattering color.