The Love Parade

I come from an emotionally reserved, some might say stunted, family. We love each other, but its not something you really talk about. Its expressed more in deeds and a long term presence rather than words. Tough, Stoic Love is a fine art and the best and most often tool used in our collective toolbox. "Deal with it." "Life's a bitch and then you die." "People in Hell want Ice water but they haven't put a fountain in yet!" and my personal favorite: The Deadline for being upset over loss of a girl/boyfriend, cat, etc. "You have 24 hours to feel bad, and then move on." Those phrases and others like them have become the voice in my head and are quick to my lips with my children. I think this served and continues to serve to prepare us all for what is undeniably at times a tough, cruel world. A world where pussies need not apply, especially to our family. Which is interesting, because I would say the members of the family are all sensitive souls in their own way, but we all have a somewhat M&M like exterior to protect us. Otherwise we might melt.

I was shocked when I first started dating my wife. Her Mom and her Step Dad hugged her all the time. They said I love you, like some people say, "Hello." Trying to go anywhere was insane. It was a ritual of multiple hugs with hand patting, kisses and "I love you's", and that's if we were were just going to the movies. It was complete culture shock. It drove me crazy then, and to some extent it still does. Overtime, I have come to accept it and realize that its well meaning. Its just not my way.

It is however, my son's way. He used to kiss me all them time and I put the brakes on that. Now he tells me he loves me at least 30 times a day. He says it when he runs out of other things to say. He says it if he thinks the room is too quiet. "I love you" is my son's go to phrase to pass the time. It drives me crazy. No doubt, he was fawned over by my wife's parents, and so inadvertently they have created this Sensitivity Monster to torment me.

To make it worse, those hippies at Preschool taught him to sign "I love you," which makes another fun, multicultural way to torment me. " Hey Dad!.....Look....I (Eyes wide open, earnest. hand pointing at his chest)....LOVE (Arms crossed, still full eye contact)...YOU! (Both hands exultantly project forward and pointing at me, big grin across his face.)

I finally snapped last night, after the 27th verbal and non verbal "I love you" since he had come home from school.

"Dude. I know you love me, you told me 27 times already and probably more than that that the day before. Its driving me mad! You don't even know what love is. The more you say it. The more you cheapen it. Once a day is fine, maybe even too much, how about once a week. Whatever. But I need you to give it a rest!"

He walked away shoulders slumped. What kind of asshole Dad tells his kid to stop telling him he loved him? I felt bad for a minute, and then I could hear the collective voice of my ancestors living and deceased, "Good Job! That's Tough Love Baby! And he's got 24 hours to Deal With It."

And it was also right about then I knew I was screwed because he would and did tell the In-Laws on me. And boy did I hear about it.

"Why that's the most beautiful thing he can say..."

"How could you...."

I stuck to my guns

"Its the most annoying thing he could say, when he says it often as he does. Beside, I didn't ban the phrase, I just asked for a brief moratorium so that all the extra, surplus "I love you's" floating around my happy home will have time to settle. Once the air is safe, we'll impose a ration system and Casanova will be issued a stamp card and as long as he doesn't over do it, the Love Parade can begin anew."

I could tell she didn't approve, but he's going to school soon and he needs to get the M&M shell going like now, otherwise his ass is going to melt.