On the way to a friend's house yesterday I witnessed the self-expression of a complete asshole as embodied in his vehicle. Carefully review my description and make sure that a) you're not this guy and b) you aren't friends with him.
If you look in the mirror and realize I am describing you, my only advice is to pull a George Costanza (props to Yiz). You obviously cannot trust your own judgement, so do the exact opposite of your natural inclinations.
If this is your friend, plan and immediately stage an intervention. Its for his own good.
The desciption as follows:
Huge Red, Two Wheels on the Back-Axle havin' diesel smoke belching, Dodge Truck.
Massive Trailer Hitch made to haul a battleship??
Hitch festooned with flesh colored dangling latex balls the size of apples. So its a boy truck...I would have never guessed!
Masonic Lodge license plate. If anyone ever tells me theMasons rule the world, I will use this guy as exhibit A of why they don't.
Heavily Tinted Rear Window.
Harley Davidson Eagle Logo Sticker in Right Rear Window. This always confuses me. I am driving a truck, but I want you all to know, I am also a bad ass biker.
Finally, the last straw. In the left (driver's side window) was a 12 inch "Shocker" symbol. For those of you who do not know what this is, its a hand held palm in, with fingers and thumb held together and extended, wth the ring finger bent in at the knuckle. (Do a Google search). Lets just say the extended pinky finger and the extended index and middle finger are supposed to align and be inserted with corresponding holes in the female body. I don't even have to comment on the type of person who would post this sticker prominently on his car, behind his head.
Final summation, the testosterone machine this guy was driving either compensated for
A) A penis the size of a tinker toy or
B) An inescapable addiction to web based gay porn, or I suppose
C) He is a complete asshole.
You decide.
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4 comments:
Hmm..sounds like most of henry county.
Sounds like henry county.
I believe there is a big difference between country boys and assholes. Some may be assholes, but not certainly not all. Same with truck drivers...I think.
Ohhhhhhhhhh! I am so glad Liz gave me the address to your blog! I have been laughing for a while now and then I got to this post and I doubled over in uncontrolled laughter! What a MORON! Not only did I laugh at your description of what a "Shocker" symbol is (I am naive..I had no clue!) but then I had to google it too. Now I know what that darn symbol on the back of idiots vehicles means! Thanks!
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