Compassion is for Pussies

I have a cat named Gary. No...I didn't name him after Sponge Bob's snail. I had a dickhead neighbor when I was kid named Gary. Since then, I've never met another Gary that I liked. In fact, the name Gary is a stand in for anyone you're kind of stuck with but don't have much affection for. Gary is somebody you don't want around. I don't want this cat. I cannot get rid of him. He is Gary.

Gary doesn't use the litter box 100% of the time. Let's be honest, Gary only uses the litterbox when he damn well feels like it. I've got 3 litter boxes, which are cleaned regularly. I feed him special food from the vet. He has no underlying medical reason for his behavior, my vet gave me some bullshit explanation of "seasonal urinary disorder." Apparently he sees a lot of this type of behavior in October. I said, "Cool. Then what the fuck's wrong with him in September, August, June.....oh there was March, and July....." Then he tried to sell me even more expensive food. It doesn't mean anything, there's no reason. Gary don't care. He'll piss on your floor and then hack up a hairball on your table. That's how he rolls.

I'm in the process of laying a new tile floor to replace a carpet which he utterly and completely destroyed. He pissed on my new subfloor within hours of having it laid. And then took a crap in the center for good measure. That's his way of saying, "Whatever, I own this motherfuckin' joint."

Such provocation. So much justifiable cause. I want so desperately to be rid of him. But getting rid of cat that has litterbox issues is impossible. My parent's won't even take him as an outside cat! He's Gary. And so the moral delima rages. I could scoop him up and take him to the pound right now. I wouldn't have to throttle the life out of him with my bare hands, they would kill him for me after a few days. I could comfort my children with the notion that some happy family picked him up. It's perfect. Yet I hesitate.

I squirm at the thought of being directly responsible for the death of an animal. I don't want the look of reproach and disappointment from my wife, or the clerks at the SPCA. Hey, I'm not a bad pet owner! I have 2 rescue dogs and 3 cats. I just want to give back one. I've done my part. I saved my share. You cannot save them all. Gary is clearly beyond redemption. I haven't known one Gary to ever change. This one won't either. But I cannot bring myself to pull the trigger.