Those of you that know me, know that from time to time I tend to get in over my head. Regardless of if it's home repair, gardening, raising kids etc. I recently volunteered to coach kids soccer, the challenge is....I know nothing about soccer. And so, here I am again, in over my head, and to top things off, I have a double header this weekend to coach. Here are some comments on my experiences over the first couple weeks.
This is the first sport we've played where we have real practices. Now, previously coaching T-Ball, I am used to kids getting bored, playing in the dirt or peeing on second base because they can. The Good news about Soccer: Its pretty much constant movement and thus hard to get bored. The Bad news about Soccer : 12 constantly moving 5 years old kids + 1 ignorant coach= total bedlam.
Miscellaneous Game Observations
Soccer changes possession like Basketball except you have a confusing array of methods to put the ball back in play. Sometimes its a Goal Kick, other times it's a Corner Kick, sometimes you just throw it in. But...you have to throw it a special way. No lob passes. Why can't you just inbound the damned ball?? During practice when a ball goes out, I lean on the kids heavily....
Alright....what the fuck just happened???
"Uhhh......OK...who touched it last?"
Some kid raises his hand.
"Were you defense or offense?"
" I'm playing Forward!"
Forward?! What the Fuck is that...never mind, just go with it!
"Great! Now kids...what do we do when the Forward (I do the hand quotation remarks, because at that point I thought the kid was making that term up...) kicks the ball out of bounds?"
The ones that have played before scream out, " A Corner Kick!!!"
Super! Another term I don't know...
"Great!!! Now...who can show me one?!"
And that's how I survived the 1st practice. Every time, play stopped, I just starting asking questions. By employing the Socratic Method I was able to draw the knowledge out of the kids and conceal the fact that I am just an idiot with a whistle. Who said Philosophy Majors were useless?
In 6 on 6 Youth Soccer, there are positions like Goalie, Forwards, Strikers and Full Backs. Oddly and most perplexing to me, Fullbacks are on Defense. Other comments: Getting a 5 year old to stay in the Goal Box is hard. Getting both of my Fullbacks to stay out of the big scrum consisting of both team's Forwards is impossible.
Teaching kids that were raised on Barney to steal the ball away from someone else is very hard. I try to tell them it's OK, they won't get in trouble...but most of them don't believe me. The only thing harder than teaching them to steal, is trying to convince them that passing is a good idea from time to time. I have 5 little Beckhams on the field and every time they touch the ball they're going downtown and taking that size 4 ball straight to the House!
I'm doing two games from 2:00pm-to 4:00pm this Saturday, you should come out. I guarantee entertainment and something that loosely resembles a couple soccer games.
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